園游會

園游會 ....erm...juz like hari kantin...

v all got our got time table to work...
n i was asked to b the cashier need to stay there 4 whole day...
haiz...tired...
our class sell干冰汽水(juz put CO2 in it)，煉乳汽水(put susu n CO2 in it,it to too sweet to me)，夾餅(juz like sandwish)n鹵肉飯....
im the cashier 4 鹵肉飯...
while i serving,suddenly got a girl came to me v roses....
well...is normal...coz thr r some classes selling flowers...n a lot couples here....
then she talk to me...cant clearly rmb wat she said...
but she is telling those roses is 4 me....
my 1st response is tat girl make fool of me....
after recomfrom v her 4 several times,then ony i accept those flowers....
av1 staring at me....
haiz...
10 roses n 2 ferrero rocher...
is quite exp i guess...pity him 4 wasting money 4 tat....
is too much 4 me...i dun deserve tis...
the 1 who should give i nvr accept any....haiz…

hehehe....then at the noon time...
my 鹵肉飯is almost finish dy...then i hav ntg to do jor...
so i decided to go walk around...got a lot of thg thr...n took some photos....
i even go to males hostel....coz it open to visit today...hehhee....

tis 1 is 女二舍...
my hostel is next to tis...

tis is 中庭湖 ...

is quite fun today...but i exhausted...
til today oso...keep fishing in my class...can hardly concentrate on anything...
haiz...pity...
the day is getting colder n colder...
my clothes cant really warn me up....freezing here...

is fun here...
but i miss my home now...
avthg is good n fine here...
but here not my home...
i wanna go back...
bac to where i belongs...

我眼中的她

我认识了一个女生…好久了…今天就来谈谈她…

她是一个双子座的女生。

我个人认为她是一个典型的双子…为什么呢？

因为她就是一个这样的人…

双子座是一个矛盾的星座，有双重性格，任性，孩子气…她也是这样…

时而开朗，时而阴沉，简单来说就是情绪化…要真的说这女生的缺点哦…真的是超级多的…

她懒到不行，连多走几步路都懒；她很敷衍，做事随便，没有责任感，而且还笨死了。爱哭，也爱笑（疯了）；自以为是，总是认为自己可以，自己很好，很强，其实她什么也不是…她只是一个一无是处的爱哭鬼…但她从不承认她是爱哭的（原先我也不这么认为，最近对她改观了…），她爱面子，口是心非，总是心不在焉，经常发呆，骄纵蛮横，做事慢吞吞…

还有一箩筐的缺点，多到算不清的缺点…

但整体来说，她人并不坏，只是缺点多…

她有挺丰富的想象了，爱天马行空，（双子座的特性），她虽然有些呱噪，但也有较静的一面…对她而言，个人的隐私与私人空间是必要的…她虽爱凑热闹，但也有想一个人静静，放松的私人空间…

她难过时就想要一个人静静的思考一下（虽然不会想出什么好的解决方法），有时候她并不需要安慰，让她静一静或是静静的陪着她就是好了，有时候她要的是私人空间，一个人静静的呆着。这就是她想要的。她认为因为有些事不要说开会比较好。

她不是不想说，只是她的沉默有她的理由（也许是连她自己也搞不清楚），请不要追问，这会让她很为难…如果她想说，她自然会说，因为她藏不住秘密…但有时候要问一下她会比较好，因为她不知道要怎么开口…很麻烦。很矛盾吧？没办法，她就是难相处…

她生长于一个含蓄的家庭，请原谅她不擅长表达出她的情感…但她是知道别人对她的好，只是没有说出来…她不出声并不代表她不知道，也许是她真的不知道，又或许她是在给你一个让你自白的机会…

她是一个归属感很强的人，只要让她在你的身上找到她所要的归属感，不管她到哪儿去，她一定会回来，只要那份感觉不变，她就会回来...她现在缺乏安全感，离家在外的她，找不到归属…她目前呆在一个她不熟悉的国度，没有熟悉的家人，朋友…她得从新开始习惯这里的一切…还好她的适应力还不赖，已经可以习惯这里。只是她的身体适不适应就还不知道了…

她讨厌变化，因为她认为变化是不好的。因为发生在她身上的变化，都是不好的。在她不在家的期间内发生了很多变化，很大的变化，因此她决心讨厌变化，同时也害怕变化…还有她是善忘的，请告诉她你们是爱她的，也一定要提醒她，她是爱你们的…

她麻烦，她挑剔，她爱哭，她爱笑，她爱闹，她吵，她安静，她斯文，她莽撞，她任性，她无理取闹，她温柔贴心，她粗枝大叶，她纤细懦弱，她情绪化，她的一切一切…全都是她。好的，不好的，她就是她…她不完美，但那又如何呢？我就是爱她…我会慢慢的认识她，接受她，包容她，改变她，因为连自己都不爱自己的话，那么还会有谁会接纳她呢？

这就是我眼中的怡韵了，在你们眼中她又是什么模样呢？

还未完全的写完，

毕竟很难详细的描写自己。

原本是要周末post的，

但是基于网路的问题才拖到现在...

这样的我还是我，

我不完美，

但这就是我...

tEsT,TesT,t3St

long time din update my blog dy....
coz i having a lot of tests now...
almost having test av single days....
haiz....
not juz u all gonna exam...
me too...
so....let's jia you together....
all the best to us....
muackzzz....

p/s:i hav idea wat to write next...hehehe...
coming soon...

the 7th day

1st 0ct 2009....tis is the day i got the new....
now ady 8th oct....time fly....
it passed so fast....
now ady 1 week....n i oso can accept it....i guess...
stil the same thg.....she'll always b in my heart...i'll nvr forget her....
although i din say nothing,but i hope u know u meant a lot to me.....
_________________________________________________

a hug can say i mis u.
it can say ur special,
or bst of all,
i luv u.
it can soothe a hurt,
or calm a fear,
or cheer us up
so heres a hug for u..
Take care..

a simple msg from my dearest friend on 5 oct....
long time no c,miss her badly....
tis msg is simple but meaningful....
it was so right...a hug can mean a lot...
n i need tat....

i need a hug to tel me not to emo....

i need a hug to stop my tears...
i need a hug to warm me in such a cold weather....tel me to b strong,encourage me n cheer me up by a smile....
i need some1 to hug me tight....
but i duno who will b the 1 who hold me tight...
duno ask a hug from who....

now im ok dy...i ady kan kai....
i really can accept it....
so no need worry abt me...
muackzzz....
thank you a lot...my friends....
thanks n sorry 4 avthgs....

although is hard to do so,
but i can did it...
i can accept the fact...
she wont bac to me...
n i cant c her anymore...
u not far from me...
coz u in my heart...

你能了解嗎？

你覺得我看起來冷靜，
我想我真的成功的讓自己看起來很不錯吧？！
我每天跟你們開玩笑，
大大的笑容，笑得瞇起來的眼，
看起來真的和往常無異吧？
我很棒，對不對？
很厲害吧？

其實你有沒有發現到，那樣的笑容太過于燦爛？
彎彎的眼睛，其實沒有滿滿愉悅；
最近的玩笑的笑點太低，也太多......
我看起來精神很好，可是你不會覺得這樣的我很奇怪嗎？
平常的我有那精神奕奕嗎？

你真的知道我要什么嗎？
有時候我要的不是安慰，只是靜靜的陪伴；
有時候我要的只是一個人靜一下......
我知道你只是想讓我好過一些，你只是關心我....
我知道...我都知道....

只是你的關心不適合我，
你太過細致的關懷，太過沉重，
所以我才會想逃...
暫時離開你關切的眼神，
那個會讓我覺得我很可憐的眼神...

我不是不在乎你，我也沒有要忽略你，
只是我們的想法和觀念有些不同....
不想拒絕你的好，
所以才不說一聲的，悄悄逃離....

你能了解嗎？
我不是要拋棄誰，我也沒有忽略誰....
我只是有點無力....
你知道有多少次我在背對著你的時候，
靜靜的在擦拭爬滿我臉頰的淚呢？

你有你的感覺，
忽略了你的想法，
是我不好...
只是原諒我，
無法分出太多的精神來關心你...
自顧不暇的我，
只會一再辜負你的好...

一直用這個理由來當借口，
很遜，很爛吧？
可以的話，
我才不想要有這樣的機會，
說這個連我自己都不相信的借口...

GOODBYE

i guess today is the last day....
avthg was done...
really done....
it reach the end....
she was burnt....instaed of bury....
according to my bro,taday she was burnt n her bone wil b take on tmr....
i duno how the procedure is....
juz my bro told me abt tis ony....
juz tis....
she knew my avthg...but i din even know how old she r....
at last...she really can rest in peace....
now wats is left is juz memories n ashes....
i'll miz u....
__________________________________________________
a lot thg happened lastly...
i can hardly focus anythig....well...juz u cant c it....

avthg was finish....
her time juz go to the end...
she have done her duties,
n go to a place full of happiness...
but however,
i'll miss u too....

THaNk You~~mY FRenzZs....

nvr thk of i'll so "hardworking".....
im such a lazy fellow...would write so many thg....
kinda amazing....

thanks...thanks 4 avthg u all hav done for me....
thanks 4 care abt me....
thanks 4 my frens tat comfort me....
thanks 4 my frens tat going to thr to pay her the last visit 4 me....
thanks 4 zy who always acc me....
thanks a lot...really thanks a lot....
the thanks cant express how grateful im towards wat u all hav done to me....
but i duno wat to do show how grateful im....
i really very appreciate wat u all hav done to me....
really thanks....
i really do appreciate tat....

i know u guys care abt me...
n i knew all the thgs u all trying to tel me...
but know doesn't mean can accept it immediately...
give me some time....
now the only thg i hope is
hope she can rest in peace...
b happy always....
no more suffering....

i was injured,
the wound was bleeding...
n u guys saw me...
come n help me to heal my wound,
by applying medicine on it.
i know u all do all tis for me juz to hope i can get well soon...
but u all din realized,
the moment the medicine contact v my wound,
it cause a great pain to me....

h0w cAN I???

HAPPY MOONCAKE FESTIVAL!!!
to u all,my frens....

until juz now ony i knew....how selfish im....
i juz thk of my own feeling....
put myself at the 1st place....
without thk of other's feeling.....

i keep on asking my dad to do tis n tat 4 me.....
if he do tat late a bit,i'll juz simply thk tat he wasn't care abt me....
but i nvr thk of he oso got his own stuff to do.....
he oso got a lot thgs tat bothering him.....

i stil rmb tat i hav called bac home last 2 weeks....
i juz ask him to do all the thgs 4 me....
post the thgs,book airplane....
all my stuff....
i din even ask anythg abt him....
he had spent so much on me....not only money....still got a lot thgs....

n now i regret 4 tat...deeply....
i should hav ask....even juz how r u?
3 simple words....
if i asked tat time,i thk i will get to know my grandma's situation....
i can oso talk to her...
even juz 1......
now...
all were too late....TOO LATE....
all were juz TOO LATE to say now....
any apologize wil juz b meaningless...

juz got to know tis is the better way 4 her....
coz she were suffering recently....
her situation not very good.....
juz got to know...JUZ KNEW...
i know ntg...anything...ANY SINGLE 1 of tis....
i oso duno....
how i can b so not concern abt them??
they r my family...irreplaceable 1....the 1 n only....
HOW CAN I?
HOW COULD ME?

when i need u,u always b thr 4 me....
when i need care,u always care abt me....
but when u suffering,i ain't thr....
when u need some1 to hold u,i not thr....
when u want some1 to listen to u,whr im?
when i v u,wat i doing?
when u gave out the last breath,whr im?n wth i doing???
u always thr 4 me, but me ler??
wat im??hate myself....

she'll b bury today...mayb....
c...even when she wil b bury i oso duno...
wat kind of ppl im?how can i b so heartless??
HOW CAN I???

tears drop NON-STOP
my table was wet
after i finish writing tis...
such a big area...
wondering how much tears tat i can drop?
when n who can wipe my tears off
n tel me not to cry,
comfort me v action,not words....
mayb is no1....
juz the time can do tat....
MAYB JUZ THE TIME....

无言的痛

你知道震惊到脸无法给予适合表情的感觉吗？
你了解说与不说之间的挣扎吗？
你试过明明就很想放声大哭，可是就不知怎么的硬是把涌到眼眶里的泪逼回去，哽在喉咙的哽咽往肚里吞的滋味吗？
你体会过明明已经无法忍受红了眼眶还要假装自己是在开玩笑，勉强挤出大大的笑容？
你明白那种明明很没有精神，却还要强迫自己打起精神专心上课的那种无奈吗？
你能理解明明就像要好好的放声痛哭，却发现自己可悲到无法挤出半滴泪水的感受吗？
你懂得那种对着别人笑，在转过身后，却忍不住静静垂泪的情绪吗？
你看过一天之内用眼泪谋杀了大半盒面纸之后，那双眼睛究竟是怎么一个模样吗？

不懂就最好....这证明了你是幸福的....
这种痛是很难解释的情绪，痛到最痛不是歇斯底里，而是麻木了...
感觉不到那种痛，好像没有事情发生般...
不痛，不苦，可是心里却是沉重的...
沉甸甸的不是心情，而是不知名的东西....
这是一种奇妙的心情，很难解释的复杂情绪....
它不会影响你的情绪，却会慢慢腐蚀你的感觉，麻木你的神经....
所以才会哭不出来....

明明就是很普通的事情，每天都会发生的事情，怎么让我说成想世界末日般啊？
也许是因为我太娇生惯养了....
活在幸福的堡垒，让安乐和平给围绕着，不知什么是死别的痛苦....
突然的消息恍若龙卷风吹倒了我一直仰赖的堡垒，一直是被当成是温室花般细心照料着的我无法承受着突如其来的打击，所以才会这样吧.....
原谅我.....

well....发现了的朋友请保持沉默，留给没发现的朋友慢慢发觉......
请你们为她祷告....谢谢.....

在这欢乐的中秋，
大家都开心的在准备过节，
我家却在白色的丧礼中，
度过这伤感的日子....
不告诉你们是因为不知道怎么开口，
不是存心隐瞒....
可以的话，请帮我上个香....
感激不尽....
cant c her off n cant send her the last journey
is the greatest pain i ever hav....
i might regret 4 my whole life....

FoR YOu~

分离不是遗憾，
永别才是弥补不起的缺憾...

althought i knew u duno how to read n will nvr got the chance to read tis...
althought i knew tat tis day wil come some how...
althought i knew death is cant b avoid....
i knew tis all...all of tis from the very beginning....
but...juz....
i juz cant accept tis....really hard 4 me to accept tis....
but...i forced to accept tis....i cant keep on lie to myself,can i?

1-0ct-2009 6.34am
a msg from my dad.....
"Bad mew grandma was pass away 5am-6am"

so early in the morning....i get such new...
it shocked me....
it so sudden....
it....

well....i got think b4....wat if she really pass away....wat response would i hav?
now i knew dy...
a COMPLICATED feeling....
shuold i b happy 4 her?since she has free from all the sickness n uncomfortable now....
or i should b sad 4 losing her...
if i should b happy 4 it,then tel me a way tat can stop my tears;
if is sad,then giv me a place 4 tat, a place which no1 can found me....juz me...all alone....

she meant a lot to me....
she was the 1 who look after when i was a child...
she always care abt me,endure me n love me alot.....
she was my avthg....
now all of tis can juz b was....
all was passed...i cant c her anymore....NO MORE!!!!u had promised me b4....tat u'll acc me 4 my entire life....
but how can u leave me 1st??
i should hav stay v u....stay at the place whr v can b together....
wil thr b happy ever after 4 us??
i guess i should not act like tis....tis not any1's fault....
i can blame on no1......

I really think of not to tell any1 abt tis...
even is zy,coz she hav her own probas well...
i cant always bother her...
but then it juz too much to me...i cant stand tat....
well....until now i oso thinking whether it was the right thg to do?
she made me cried at the canteen thr....so many ppl thr...so yu pei....
but she oso acc me cry....
feel sorry 4 her....
nvr saw her drop a single drop of tears since v were here...but bcoz of me...she cried...
such caring n nice fren whr can i find?
luckily i hav u.....
she tried to cheer me up....whole day....
i can c how much she care abt me...
im so sorry 4 make u worry abt me.....n thanks a lot 4 all the thg.....
im ok now....really ok dy.....
althought still need some time to accept tis...but i wil b ok soon...

feel sorry 4 cant go home to c her off,cant send her 4 the last....
wish to go bac badly....
SORRY~

thank you 4 all the thg u hav done 4 me,
thank you 4 so care n love me,
thank you 4 av av av thg.....
i so sorry tat i cant c u off...
sorry 4 being rude....
sorry....
hope u can rest in peace....
i'll pray 4 u...
i'll miss u...
goodbye...